life with the Griswolds: MY DIFFICULT LESSON

This blog post is going to be slightly different than the norm.

Although I went to work all week and had some exciting things happen, and even more excitement happening at home, I want to take this time to share a story about my friend Nick (with his permission) but maybe more so about me. I am not proud of this but if by sharing the story, if someone else can benifit it will be worth it.

my good friend Nick

Nick has been working the graveyard shift at his new job. I know he isn't thrilled about the hours but he is proud to be among the working after over two years of unemployment. Robyn and I are overjoyed for him having a job. We were glad to be a part of helping him get back on his feet, he deserves nothing less.

Nick worked Thursday night at 11 and got off at 7 on Friday morning. Usually, I take him to work and Robyn picks him up. Nick decided to let Robyn sleep in and took a bus downtown instead. He would stop in at the unemployment office and check up on his e-mail account, just in case a better job offer came in.

It so happened that he got his paycheck that morning. His first real paycheck in a long, long time. He had made plans with me to stop off at my work when I got off and go with me and some work buddies down to a local watering hole. He really wanted to buy me a drink, and I understood why. He just wanted to show his appreciation for all Robyn and I were doing for him.

I had suggested that he would be very tired from being up all night at work and being up all day waiting for me to get off work, but he said he would be ok.

At this point I am going to give a little back story. Nick can at times over drink, and he has a bit of a reputation as a hard drinker. I have confronted him (out of love and honesty) on this subject more than once. With out a sorce of income for the last couple of years, he has slowed down considerably. When Robyn and I offered him a place to live it was unconditional, except that he try to find work, put some money back when he gets paid, and no coming home drunk.

He has done everything as promised.

Friday after going to the unemployment office he took care of a few other things and then stopped in to a couple of his old haunts. It wasn't one of his best decisions, especially since he was running on no sleep. Putting myself in his shoes, I suspect he wanted to prove, or brag in a way, about having a job. I never asked him so I'm only guessing there.

When 5 o'clock rolled around, he was already a little tipsy. We stopped into the bar we had planned on because they have a special called 'free beer friday' that I catch once every couple of months. Afterwards we had planned on stopping up to see my sister Debbie who was working at Stormys. We know a lot of the people there and have many friends that frequent the place.

Here is where the story takes a turn.

Saddly, there are those at Stormys who look down on Nick. Some told me to do him no favors because he wasn't worth it. Some have spread ugly rumors about him. Others just put him down with out regard for his feelings, but none to his face. He does know about all this because in the bar scene there are a lot of back stabbers and snitches. Don't get me wrong, there are way more good people than bad, but in this case I am focusing on those who belittle Nick. Most people know by now that we have opened our doors to him and I'm sure they question my reasons.

By this time the alcohol that Nick had consumed was getting the better of him. I decided that we shouldn't go to Stormys, but head home instead. He argued with me that he really wanted to see Debbie.

That's when I once again said something about his drinking. Now, I don't want to sound like a hypocrite because I drink too. I only told him I didn't think it was a good idea for him to go there in the state he was in. I know he wanted to go and show everybody that he had a paycheck. Sort of shove it in their faces, but in my mind all his naysayers would have only piled on with the negative comments because he was the same old Nick. He's not.

Nick said something profound. He said the haters would hate him no matter what. Maybe so, but why give them fodder?

I thought I was doing right by Nick. I thought I was protecting him. My words only brought tears. I love my brother Nick and wouldn't do anything to hurt him. I stood my ground and brought him home.

The next morning as I talked to Robyn about the night before, she asked why I even took him to the first bar. I had no good answer other than the self serving answer of I wanted a beer. I tried to sugar coat it and say he wasn't that bad when we first went, but in all honesty I should have just taken him home then.

When I further explained that I only wanted to save him any embarassement, Robyn said something that made me feel one inch tall. That wasn't her intent. She said "Yes, and save you any embarassement also."

I think under my thoughts to help my friend, I was only protecting my own ego. I didn't want anyone who had told me to not help Nick to have the chance to say I told you so.

The truth is that even though Nick may have stumbled, he is doing great, and I couldn't be more proud of him. I have expressed all this to Nick and apoligized, he says he has already forgotten about it and want's to just move forward.

On top of all this, the daily devotional on Saturday spoke hard into my heart. Following is a pic of that day. Pay close attention to number 2. I should be holding Nick up on my shoulder not hiding him, he deserves nothing less.