MOVING FORWARD

I am going to start this blog by sharing something very personal.  Normaly I would keep it light but if by sharing this it possibly helps someone else than it is worth it.

I left the last post saying I had been feeling crabby, bitter or angry even.  I said that I had the feeling that I was pulling away from Christ.  That is not my usual self.
Monday I went into work with a dark cloud hanging over my head.  It seemed to me that I was not delivering on my full potential.  I felt like I was falling short in my work.  I served my time there and went home to work on the bathroom.
As is typical with me, everything I worked on seemed to be a comedy of errors.  But I didn't see the funny.  It was as if I was failing in this endeavor too.  Then Robyn came in and asked if I could repostion a shelf I had put in.  I snapped.  I said some choice words and stormed down stairs.  I didn't see it at the time but she was really shocked and hurt.
As I sat on the couch, pouting, I began to realize that she didn't deserve what she had just been delivered.  I went up to the bedroom, she was under her covers, crying.  I tried to apologize but the words just tumbled into a pile at my feet.  I knelt by the bed and told her I didn't know what was wrong with me.  I told her I felt like I was failing as a husband, a father, at work and above all I felt like I was failing God.  We discussed that I may be going into a depression and I may need to seek help.  We both cried and I begged her forgivness.  And I prayed.
We went to sleep confused and sorrow filled.

Tuesday at work these heavy feelings kept yanking at me.  I was going through the motions but it was like I was not really there.  I was asked to go to Home Depot for some supplies.  I got in the truck and turned the radio to my favorite Christian station.  The song playing was 'Mess of Me' by Switchfoot.
A line in the song says, "I am my own affliction".  A ton of bricks smacked me right in the face.
I realized that this funk I was in was a gift from God.  How?  Let me explain.
I am a man.  I am a sinner.  I find myself looking at other women.  I don't want to but my nature draws my eyes to the jogger running down the street, or the pretty girl across the room at the fast food joint.  Jesus said that to look at, or even have thoughts of other women is the same as adultry.  I only want eyes for Robyn.  So I had been asking God to afflict me in some way to stop my sin.  I asked for Him to give me headaches or stomach pain whenever I had a roving eye.
It struck me that since I had been in this funk I hadn't even wanted to look at other women.  I was my own affliction.
Then I thought about the scripture that says to be thankful in ALL things.  So I immediatly began praying and thanking God for this overwhelming sense of "blah".
When I got back to the shop I read my daily devotional.  It struck the nail on the head.  It was so perfect for that moment I knew it was a God thing.
It was the story of king David.  A man after God's own heart.  But he fell away and commited adultery, got the woman pregnant and had her husband killed to try to cover it up.  He married her and they had the child, but the child became very ill.  David went into a state of depression, praying unendingly and lying on the ground, refusing to get up or eat for days.  The child died.  Then David got up, washed and went to the house of the Lord and worshipped.  He went home and ate and went on with his life.

The lesson here is that when you have repented of your sins, and have been forgiven, you must get up and move forward.

My dark cloud suddenly evaporated.  My feelings of failure disappeared.  Just after that I was asked to build all the cabinets for the office desks.  The only thing I like more than writing is fabricating cabinets.  It is like therapy for me.  I called Robyn and told her of my epiphany.  She wasn't so sure, and I can't blame her, but I assured her that the egg shells she had been walking on were gone.
Time will tell, but I said that when I was praying for God to ease my burdens I knew He would, and He has, just as He Promises.  His peace is once again rising in me.

Tuesday at work we completed the mod table.  The stained edges give a sleek look.

very slick

I then templated the office for the desk tops and formed them up for concrete

hard to picture, but trust me, they will be cool

I had to tend bar that night, and asked several customers to continue praying for God's wonderous workings in my life.

Wednesday I began working on the cabinets

The office layout in my work area

The day went amazingly smooth.  I was told I would be asked to fabricate the new desk cabinets at the main offices if this went well.  (another blessing)

Wednesday night when I asked Robyn what I could do to help she told me she just wanted me to relax and take the evening off.  I love her.  We enjoyed a glass of wine by the fire.

How relaxing is this?  Ahhhh..

Thursday we poured the desk tops for the main offices.   In this particular office there will one black desk top with pea gravel aggregate and one grey desk with no aggregate.  A table between them will hold the printer/fax machine and will blend them together.  Here is a pic of the fax table to give you an idea

neato

Thursday I stopped by the church to help my friend Tim with a small project.  It just so happens that on this day the girl scouts were picking up their cookies.  POG was used as a drop off point and central distribution center.  It was difficult not to sneak a cookie or two.

Where's Waldo,..I mean Tim?

Friday I began facing the cabinets for the office.  It's a little more time consuming but this is the stage where they become beautiful

Solid maple faces

Friday night Robyn and I completed the master bedroom...

Like a luxurious hotel suite

the guest bath...

Robyn has an eye for design

and the master bath..

a diamond in the rough?

The polished, precious gem stone

I think we should have our own remodeling/interior decorating show.

Saturday we ran some errands and took our old dishwasher to a place called the Baptist Mission.  They take old appliances and refurbish them.  Then they sell them to raise money.

Saturday night we went out.  We met my sister Debbie at Stormy's to celebrate her birthday.  Robyn made fast friends with some people new to the bar.  In this picture, one of her new friends demonstrates the latest dance move..

what the...?

And as everybody knows, it ain't a party till someone gets out their lariat.

Debbie tries to lasso a fresh beverage

Sunday I went to early service to witness my friend, Dale get baptized.  Prior to getting dunked he spoke of the reason it was important to him.  He said he was in a relationship with Christ for a while, but when he got involved in small group, that was when the relationship really grew, more than he thought possible.  It is in small groups where you can ask the questions you need answers to.  And by studying God's word more closely, like you do in small group, you really begin to see the truth clearly.  Baptism isn't what saves you, that happens when you ask Christ into your life.  Baptism is a public display, a shout out to anyone listening, that you are a follower of Jesus.  It's another step forward in your walk with the Lord.

ready to take the plunge

Next week I will be much more humorous, I promise.  In the mean time, get up and move forward.

Peace

Dan